BELONG

This is one of best ads I've seen in a while, beautifully shot and extremely well written not to mention the enchanting soundtrack. It made me almost run out and get a credit card and find the place where the "Value of Money meets the Values of Money" or so the ad goes. Above all it appeals to human nature and our need to simply BELONG.

What I'm Wearing Now

I'm a huge fun of japanese brand Uniqlo and I own several pieces by them. Despite the weird name and High Street status, Uniqlo is known for their fierce attention to detail and the quality of materials used and no wardrobe from New York to London is without one a crisp white oxford shirt or a knitted tie by Uniqlo. Simple, cheap and effective.

Recently they teamed up with Jil Sander, the famed German minimalist designer and came up with +J. The line has been met with critical acclaim, awards and overwhelming demand especially in this post-financial crisis, escalating oil prices economy. Bringing in Sander's minimalism and (almost) architectural design to down to the common man. A friend of mine recently got me two pieces from the most recent collection. My good friend had to hustle in the shop in the wee hours, elbowing youths and grannies alike to get his hands on the precious merchandise.

Here's what he found:

1.) Woolen Slim Fit Jacket

Perfect for nights out with the boys and garden weddings. And the office definitely. The jackets cuts a very flattering silhouette. 

2.) Windbreaker

Then there's this slightly futuristic jacket which is perfect for the now very unpredictable rainy season. I got mine in cobalt blue (as above). The prospect of cold and wet has never looked so good.

Here are some of my favourite pieces from the women's line:

A cotton high waist coat

Stand collar, long sleeved shirt dress.

19th Century Fashion by way of The Matrix.

No More Donload

I recently got hooked on NoMoreDownlowTv a YouTube based bi-weekly show about issues affecting the Black American LGBTI community and especially the DL epidemic. The episodes are pretty short at about 20 minutes but they cover have a wide range of issues from Black Lesbian filmakers to interviews with Wanda Sykes and Darrel Stephens.

Defiantly something to blast away the work day blues so subscribe now + the presenter is kinda cute!

If You Can't Fix It Then You Got to Stand It.

The title of this post comes from E. Annie Proulx's seminal short story Brokeback Mountain. It's a beautiful story and mighty heart breaking which I may review/ discuss at some later stage. But for now I want to talk about something else.

So I've been having an interesting couple of months. I figured I'm to damn old to be hiding in any kind of closet so I've been systematically coming out to people who I feel are important in my life. Frankly it's exhausting stuff and I'm half tempted to print up a t-shirt whit the phrase 'GOD MADE ME GAY, GET OVER IT!' written in glitter. Everyone has taken the news better than expected,some are shocked and to many I am the first gay person they know. I'm not yet at the point where I can say I'm openly gay but I think I want to get to that point. The question is then what?

Sometimes I question whether or not I'm gay. Sure I like guys, I like hooking up with them but I never had a legitimate gay relationship. I never had a boyfriend, meanwhile some of my friends are usually 'between relationships' I've never gotten to the point where I can honestly say I like someone. But I digress.

Growing up I was always a nervous and shy boy. A habit I am yet to outgrow. So the other day I was at a little soiree with lots of gay men, and even though I was with a bunch of people of my own kind I felt tense and nervous like it was my first day at school, like everyone was silently judging me even though they probably weren't. The truth is many of the people there were out and proud human beings. I felt like a fraud, a poser someone who didn't belong with people who were so obviously comfortable in their own skin. I honestly admire people like them even though every other profile on GAYDAR reads 'NO FEMS' these fems are some of the bravest and genuine people I've ever met. And that's something I have to fix, my self-confidence, maybe I'll get laid one of these days...

In Brokeback mountain the character of Enis Del Mar was left with regrets and memories after the death of the man he loved. That's something he couldn't fix cause the past cannot be undone. They lived in a different time and place and all he can do is accept things as they happened. I however can fix things or rather fix myself. I don't know how yet but we'll see. I want to live as honestly as possible but that is not enough, I'd also like to share my life with someone, I feel I should but I'm afraid of man things the least of them is being found out by my family, the greater one being that I don't want my potential boyfriend partner or whatever finding out what a fraud of a person I am as if there is a kind of perverse romaticsm to being single... Self-confidence right?

DYNASTY

Since Mad Men is off air and won't be returning for a 5th season till at least next year I needed a regular dose of early 60s American drama, machinations and private struggles. Que The History Channel with The Kennedys - the closest thing ever America came to a Royal Family. Despite an outrageous budget the show's critics have been far from nice and many have called the 8 hour Ode to the (in)famous clan, historically inaccurate, badly scripted and staid.

My biggest qualm with the show, for it is watchable seeing as GLEE! is on Easter hiatus, is that they cast KATIE HOLMES as Jackie Kennedy-Onassis (Jackie-O). Before Michelle-O and Carla Bruni made First Ladies fashionable there was Jackie. Holmes struggles with the broad and nasal Boston-Irish accent and brings a girl-like vulnerability to the role which I find unnerving (coz this aint Dawson's Creek anymore) and Jackie comes off as weak-willed, infantile and less than glamorous.

Bitch fit aside, the show which some may take to be the gospel truth, paints a very damning picture of the Kennedy's. That they steal elections, are ruthless, carnivorous womanisers and have no hubris. Joe Kennedy, the family's patriarch and JFKs father comes of as Darth Vader by way of Winston Churchill; cold, calculating, ruthless and ferociously ambitious - pushing his sons to the highest offices in the great US of A.

I'm about half way through the series, all I need now is Marilyn Monore and trip to Dallas in an open top limo and I think I'll call it a day. Needless to say, the show does not make any shocking revelations. All in all a clever way to learn misguided history while killing time.

Now if only GLEE could get back on air!

She Loves You, Yeah Yeah Yeah!

Kenyan gay bloggers are the most eccentric, bold, over-the-top and wisest people I have ever not met. A treasure-chest of wisdom and advice, and endless drama. I have been struggling with an issue that is not new tomost gay men in Nairobi - the Heterosexual Woman.

I consider myself a sorta OK looking chap and therefore it is not shocking when I occasionally (and very rarely indeed) get approached by nice girls. Usually my apparent lack of action (SHUT UP AND STRIP!) leads them to wander off exactly as they came in and peruse other men who will hopefully make the shut up and strip. This was true until I met (oh, let me see now) Toni (with an I). She was a pretty girl with a crush on me. Something Ihoped would wear off over time. It didn't. We had several mutual friends which meant we always me, usually in a less than ideal situation (me drunk at Bacchus, me drunk at Qs or her drunk at Galileos) one thing usually led to another and we would end up conducting oral examinations.

Kissing a girl is for a more a kind of perverse clinical exercise, it's exiting in a way I know is wrong but irresistible nonetheless. For her of course it was confirmation of my love for her (and she did love me). My friends were not impressed with my behaviour and the accused me of leading her on. Tamaku and Sinai Siaf are two people who have written extensively about this. I liked this girl but not in a way that wold ever satisfy her.

So one day, or rather late one night after several beers I told her that I like men. In the dimness of the bar I saw sadness cross her face. She was a good sport and took it in her stride with flinching or resorting to violence (or heaven forbid, tears). Again she said she loved me. I told her I knew. She said she would never meet someone like me and I said of course she will, she's young, pretty and smart. I also told that she was special and we agreed to say friends.

Coming out to Toni was the hardest one I'd done, and I'm out to a lot of people. The emotions involved had forced me to postpone telling her so as to protect her feelings, her pride and her honour. I destroyed that in one go, and it made me very sad. At the end of the day it was either me or her, she deserved to know the truth but I told her for my own selfish reasons rather that anything else. I did the right thing but at what cost?

We don't talk anymore and sometimes I think it's for the best. She'll come around one day...

Toni sometimes reminds me of Esparanza: beautiful, talented and bootlylicous.

I'm very grateful for all the insights that I get from all the queer blogs I follow. The made it possible for young guys like me to live out and proud. I want to thank all of you wherever you are for helping us live in TRUTH - a luxury very few of us can afford.

The Boys Are Back in Town

After a short stint abroad, Sauti Sol flew into town triumphant and bearing a near sacred follow up album. Here's my two-cents on the hullaballoo.

A good friend of mine gave me this album recently. Of course Sauti Sol's forst album 'Mwanzo' was one of my favourite last year so I was eager to have a listen which in my book means playing the same song over and over again. I made a very technical appearance at their album launch a couple of weeks ago (very loud, very crowded, lots of pretty people) and I noticed the even was touted as the launch of their sophomore album which for we non-american folk simply means it's their second album. They sound pretty good live, and are furiously energetic.

So the question is have the Fab Four matured since 2008's Mwanzo? The short answer is yes, the themes have gotten somewhat more serious take for example 'Mbinguni' the album's first track. Of coures there are the mellow love ballads like 'Coming Home' that echo their previous work and the insanely catchy 'Soma Kijana'. My personal favourite and is 'Awinja' an instrument sparse but vocally stunning piece that allows we, the listener to busk in their subliminal arrangement and depth. The song is melancholic and heartbreaking beautiful. The album's title however may tad over the top, but aren't all boy bands?

So, Sauti Sol offers little gems of life, love and loss - a veritable soundtrack to life.

VERDICT: GET IT NOW!!

Some People Wanna Fill the World (With Silly Love Songs)

So Monday was V Day, the most saccharine, annoying and down right nasty of all (non) holidays. There were wall to wall roses and a general sense of false euphoria enveloped the air. I would have been in a good mood had I not been dumped on Sunday. The boy I was seeing, for at the end of the day they are all boys Mannish or otherwise, told me in that I was simply to good for him and that I deserved much much more including being alone for the umpteenth time on Valentine's day and forever more.

Perhaps the irony was lost on him.

He was a nice enough fellow, as nice as you could hope a Nairobi guy to be. He nearly worshiped me and perhaps he idealized the idea of me a bit to much but nobody ever complained seriously of being given attention. Plus he was cute and intelligent and sufficient and sweet.

So he was adequate.

And these days adequate is a PLUS. Way better than mediocre. The thing is he always felt like I was going to leave him as soon as something better came along and perhaps this insecurity led him to cut his losses and head for the hills.

So that's TWO failed relationships in as many months. There appears to be one constant in this equation. So perhaps I should give up whatever it is I'm looking for. In the mean time I'll gather my posse and we'll talk about all those silly TV programmes with their unrealistic plot lines and expectations and the silly people who want to fill the world with silly love songs. Easy FM and Classic 105 I mean you! 

In the mean time, here's my New imaginary boyfriend:

Other Pretty Young Things can be found here

And here is Sir Paul McCartney & Wings

That Spells 'Mannish Boy'

Now Nairobi has no shortage of Pretty Boys or Pretty Young Things -more commonly referred to as Twinks-. I recently met one of those. I was feeling kinda lonely and old and so in a fit of desperation I put up a profile on (que drum roll) GAYDAR (facebook for fags as my friend puts it). Naturally I had reservations about the whole idea. For one I am really really genuinely paranoid - to much Crime and Investigation I think and two no Disney movie ever started with a pretty damsel logging on to a computer trawling for sex. Anyway I threw caution to the wind and a bunch of other silly analogies and in no time I found HIM. We exchanged numbers, became facebook friends and I was pleasantly surprised by his pictures. Yes he was HOT, a quality that Kenyan men are not particularly known for.

We soon met up, he was better looking n person and had a sort of rakish air around him that oozed confidence and some to the effect that 'I'm the shit'. Anyway our initial encounter was OK - no fireworks there. We talked about general stuff, friends we had in common, family, where we went to school. And before I forget he was slightly older than me, OK 5 years older. Anyway as time went on he became I begun to realise how little we had in common. For instance he liked the kind of music that came out of a computer, I liked anything made before 1975. In fact the more we talked the older I felt. My Knight in shinning armour begun to look like a little boy - a Mannish Boy.

What especially annoyed and fascinated me was his self-confidence. For instance here one phone conversation went like this:

ME: Your good looking chap
HIM: I know
ME: Do you want to rephrase that statement, maybe think about it a little?
HIM: Nope
ME: I'm going to hang up now!

And I did. The cheeky little shit! I couldn't believe the ego and the nerve on him. Anyway I soon lost my rose-coloured glasses and saw him for what he was, a selfish prick. And then the voice in my head screamed 'The writing's on the wall bitch!' And sure enough the signs were all there. He once kept me waiting for him at a popular Westie hangout for 2 freaking hours without a call or text until one of my Girl friends hit me on the head and said "This nigga aint coming. Ebu, where is your dignity?" And she had a point, that and she was looking to get hammered on the cheap. Later that week he came up with some lame excuse that went something like "Where were you that night?"

Anyway the point of all this is that looks and age can be deceiving. The Mannish Boy like the one in that Muddy Waters' song has grown up in a bubble. In this case this guy's looks rendered him into a state of permanent immaturity. It may be true to say that we didn't hit it off and that there were not mutual feelings of giddy romance -maybe lust- but I felt slightly mistreated and maybe just a tad used. Anyway Nairobi s full of theses Mannish Boys and many people are oblivious to it.

Muddy Waters, the original Mannish Boy

As a general rule of thumb, if a guy or gal dosen't call/ txt and stands you up without explanation then you best be running in the opposite direction!

Good God Y'All!

After consistent tardiness from church I decided to spend Sunday afternoon doing a few minor chores and trawling through my iTunes library. Under gospel I came across this little gem - 2009s "What Have You Done My Brother?" by Naomi Shelton & The Gospel Queens. This lovely mix of old school blues/ gospel had me nearly in tears with it's mournful lyrics of struggle and sorrow - like any good blues album it spoke of wisdom that came only through immense suffering while all the while letting us know (in the most reassuring maternal way) that there is a bright light ahead -  the authentic Negro Spiritual!

Favourite songs are 'I'll Take the Long Road', 'By Your Side' and a melancholic rendition of 'A Change is Gonna Come' a spiritual made famous by Sam Cooke and Otis Redding.

Me and Mrs. Jones

The sensational new album from Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings. Their commitment to 1960s and 70s funk/ soul makes it hard to believe that this album came out in 2010 and one could be forgiven for hearing faint traces of Amy Winehouse for the Dap Kings worked extensively on her critically acclaimed album, Back to Black.

My two favourite tracks are 'Mama Don't Like My Man' and 'She Aint a Child No More'. Definitely something you want to play during a dinner party, it will have your guests tapping their feet while you can bask under their adoring gaze.

Best Bands of 2010

My music collection continued to grow by leaps and bounds through 2010... OK not really but here are some of my favourite albums thus far:

1.) BLK JKS

The South African band with a big sound reminiscent of Hendrix. Their performances are equally electrical live and their brassy Jozi style has garnered them many followers.

2.) 340ml

The Mozambican quartet that has now become a staple on the Southern African circuit. Their jazzy elcleticism makes for easy listening with some danceable numbers thrown in for good measure - like the early UB40. And no I am not obsessed with Mozambique!

3.) The Black Keys

And from the US we have the blues duo The Black Keys. This is a nice albums for sunday afternoon chilling,

Favourite Things: Old Maputo

Time Tunnel, Maputo, Mozambique

Late Christmas Present.

Here's some Old Hollywood glamour (read hotness) to brighten up your day - Paul Newman, the original Don Draper!

You can catch his smoldering stare as on 'Cat On a Hot Tin Roof' that airs often on TCM.

Happy Holidays!

Christmas for me has always been a standard affair. A trip to Cucu's and Neil Diamond wafting through my parent's house -it's been the same tape since I was a little tyke-

Despite coming from a relatively secular family, this season is a reflection and perhaps a thanksgiving for all the blessings of the year 2010 especially when everything could have easily gone horribly wrong. 

To all my (very few) readers, merry Christmas and a happy new year.

Peterus